Page 5 - 1957 VES Meteor

A NOTE TO THE WORLD OF BUSINESS
We regret to inform all of our friends in the business world of the retirement of Elisha B. Kizer after many years of hard service on Wall Street. We do not think the stock market will crash as a result of the withdrawal from business of this great tycoon, but it will certainly hurt the U. S. economy.
Mr. Kizer, known to his close friends as "Jew," has been a big figure in the newspaper business for years. He started his own business years ago, and has been head of it since then. The firm, known as Kizer, Cunningham, and Gannaway, has its headquarters in Jerusalem, with branch offices in Palestine, Jordan, and Egypt. The latter, however, has been recently closed, since the head of that branch, a man named Nasser, got in some trouble by pushing a pyramid or two into the Suez Canal.
Mr. Kizer has done an invaluable service to the country, and has re- ceived an award from President Eisenhower. It is a brand new nickel, minted in Philadelphia, with his intitials engraved on one side and a map of Israel on the other. Congress started to pass a law to put his pic- ture on the dollar bill, but when the bill came up on the floor, the picture of George Washington on the wall screamed, so they decided to leave well enough alone. Kizer's profile
wouldn't fit into the space anyway. Mr. Kizer retired because he felt his calling was in another field, and he simply didn't have time for every- thing, so he left the business, minus profits, in young but capable hands. At present he is in charge of the Library of Congress in W ashington. When he becomes old, his ambition is to retire to a private school at Lynchburg-on-the-James and spend the rest of his life teaching second year Latin and American History, and telling corny jokes as a sideline. He has several hobbies, but his favorite is carving wooden nickels to put in
slot machines.
This summer he hopes to return to
his homeland, if the U. N. can get those cats straightened out, and tread his city's streets again.
So, if you ever want to find Beak, which is improbable, just come to V. E. S. and take a dime out of your pocket and drop it in the main hall. Ten to one Jew will beat you to it!
PEOPLE IN THE PUBLIC EYE
GURU AND BELLS-Seen drag racing on Rivermont.
ARCH T.-Phantom phone calls?
HARRISS' DATE-Wow!
SHERWOOD FOREST-Taken over by Zeke and his trusty yeomen.
THE BIG THREE-Hold "open house" for V. E. S. boys during exams.
THE NO-DOZE ADDICTS-Paying high prices for a fix."
THE OLE ASTROLOGER
Well, kiddies, here I am back after a snooze on my foam lined bed.
Looks like all my boys had a real Kool Yule and a Frantic First. Then came Mid Term exams, and all the eels were forced to sweat it for a whole week. Everybody now sings H. B.'s "New Term Come and I Wanta Go Home."
Porter rejoiced as he went to the Yukon and got out his dog sled. He brought back the familiar cry of "Mush, Mush."
Slick goes home and decides he will walk a mile for a Campbell after all. Watch it, Slick. I hear that Brucie is getting jealous.
ZOOOOOOM!!!! A cloud of ex- haust fumes blocks my view of the Old 160. What is it? Whaaaat? Guru's got a new car! What's the world coming to?
What's this? I see General Barton preparing his troops for intervention in the war between Main East and Main West.
I see they were having a Mardi Gras in study hall the other night. After long hours of preparation and planning, the boys put on a brilliant
display of pomp and pageantry. The costumes were so perfect the judges had to declare a tie between about twenty of them.
Of all the Christmas presents the boys brought back, Jenkins brought the best one: a nice silver V. E. S.
THE METEOR
5
METEORITES
BICKFORD AND Evicted.
W A TKINS-
THE MAD BOMBER-Hits V. E. S.? SHEENER'S PASTRY PARLOR-
Forced out by Guru's delicatessen. HORTON AND MR. LUNSFORD-
Waging price wars on haircuts. MA AND SLOB-Cut down by a
sniper's artillery.
HES-Chaperoned by the boys at Chatham.
PERRY, W.-Goes to see "Anes- thesia."
BANKS-Steals Wood's heartthrob in Richmond.
HES-Goes for the continental fe- male.
DE VERE-Monk's mate swings away through the trees.
ATHLETIC EQUIPMENT MUSIC DEPARTMENT
PHILLIP'S BROS.
Incorporeted 906 Main Street
THE LYNCHBURG NATIONAL BANK AND TRUST CO.
Lynchburg, Virginia
ring w ith
Branchie.
the compliments of
Darden is seen running around look- ing for a wheelbarrow for his pret- zels. He likes them so well that Guru
decided to give him a year's supply. Joe got piggish though and choked on them.
As I look in on "Elvis" Allen, I see him playing his guitar for two basket- ball stars. They came all the way from Raleigh just to hear him play.
' Rock" is amazed as his "Salvage and Stencil Crew" triples the equip- ment in the G. A. A.
Horton and Gibson's barber shop is now open for business. Opening day was so profitable that they de- cided to stay out here for a whole week and work. '