Page 100 - 1948 VES Meteor

Through the Telescope By the Old Astrologer
The old astrologer slowly lifts his sleep (?) numbed brain from a huge bowl of eggnog. Reaching for his telescope, he prepares to make his Christmas survey of the heavens. After he has removed the dome of his ancient observatory, he lifts the old scope towards the sky.
Before looking for his old friend Saint Nick, the old man decides to lower his tube and take a look at the local situation. Through the lenses he sees the ex-members of the Guru 's solid class hanging out of the windows and muttering something about a curved ball. Out on the athletic field a group of the boys are roasting marshmallows over a roaring fire fed with old solid books. (Little do these poor innocent creatures know that a more horrible torture named trig is waiting for them.)
Down on the demerit track Kender, Brooks, P ., a n d W ills (bless t h e i r pointed little heads), are doing their daily dozen behind a snowplow driven by the "Geek" Barrett. He claims he can drop low at 20 M. P. H. (Not quite as good as the Oldsmobile, eh, Geek?) Carty is seen through a cloud of smoke walking his laps by himself. "Old Hotrock" can melt the darn
stuff.
Around the fountain Nutt, Thomas, and Battle are taking their last drink of water for a long time. Straight "ginger ale" will be ordered by the boys during the vacation. (Some peo- ple like a liquid diet and some people prefer opium.) Down in the Chemis- try lab a few of the boys are mixing up a little beverage. Somebody spilled a bottle of concentrated H2SO~ on Dawson's face, but luckily Ogden had a bandaid.
METEORITES
Suddenly the old man catches sight of a familiar object riding past the moon. It's a bird, it's a plane, its a . . . Santa Claus! By hailing the old man, the astrologer got a preview of what the boys will get for Christmas. The old man then laid down his tele- scope and began scribbling down the list of presents. The following are a few of them: Braxton, P., will get elevated shoes so that he can talk to his brother. Dawson will receive a large package that resembles an hourglass. (Shaking it won 't disclose what its contents are; you have to squeeze it, Vern.) Censorship won't allow the astrologer to disclose its contents but you know her name. Ken- der will get a brain, and Marshall will g e t a kiss from Bobbsie (Oh, blush!) Swain will get a whistle that he can toot over the holidays.
Farther down on the list we find that Nutt will receive a gun so that he can defend himself from Pat's f a t h e r . (In-law t r o u b l e , you know.)
Bob White will get a Christmas card from his former gal and her husband. Riley will get a one-way ticket on a slow boat to China. Santa has an- other cigarette lighter for Battle. It's a girl named Ann with a match in her hand. Carty will at last get what he has been asking for since five Christ- masses ago. John Thomas will get a plane geometry book with all the answers from Santa: (The book from Santa and the answers are from his
daddy. Thanks, Gu.)
Hassard will get an asbestos suit
so that he can date Susie during Christmas. On the faculty front Mr. Follett is getting a time bomb from Winston and Mr. J ohnston is getting a life subscription t o " Loony Tunes Comics" from Mock.
To end the list the Old Astrologer finds that he is getting a bowl of eggnog. With this good news, the old man takes another swig and goes floating up out of the observatory with a big grin on his face. "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year," he shouts as he floats toward the Milky Way.
People In The Public Eye
By Dawson and Stephenson
Mr. Follett: "Why, Shull, I used to
be in the pickel business."
Shull: "So that's what makes you such
a 'Dilley'?"
Robinson, W., (Pero): ' Look how I have developed since I started work ing out with the Atlas Course.'
Thomas: Oh yea!'
Robinson: 'J u s t look how big my
shoulders a re from climbing that
rope.
Thomas: ' I suppose you ride a lot,
too? "
Ogden (Egg Head): "Do you believe
in free love?"
Betty Ann: "I haven't sent you a bill
yet, have I?"
Riley (Senator): His advice to Monk-
e.y on a date: 'Be sure to grab the
right limb.''
Editor: "I wonder what makes Ste-
phenson's girl so spoiled?' Dawson: "Ah, it's just the perfume
she's wearing!" •
Beach: "Mr. Follett, where are you
originally from? "
Mr. Follett: "Ah-a small island out
from New York."
Beach: "What island is it?"
Mr. Follett: "Why-ah-Sing Sing." Carty: "I think I'll go downtown and
put the motion before the house." White, R.: "Why don't you go in and
perform the motion?"
Stephenson: " Betty, G. , where did
you get so many boy friends?" Betty,G.:"Ig1.veup.II." (Ed.:"You're
telling me!' )
Gathright's advice to gals with nega-
tive personalities: "I can help you develop it in the dark room." '
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